You don't have to be handsome, conventionally or otherwise. You don't have to be rich or famous (but in all honesty, if you've got those are two factors going in, you're going to have a leg up on the average Joe).
I would like to posit this Dale Carnegie paraphrase : How to Win Women and Influence them.
So, let's get this straight: this is completely anecdotal. I haven't read any research, and certainly haven't conducted any research to support this theory of enticing women.
Cosmo, Marie Claire, Glamour, Seventeen, et al write article after article on how to catch "his" attention. From the ridiculous suggestions of The Rules to the candid and epiphanic (I know, that's not really a word, but it works here) He's Just Not That Into You, a woman's quest to meet and keep men always offers up good (if well read) copy.
But you won't find nearly as many articles in GQ or Esquire. Why? Because it's less of a problem for men, especially if you're the kind of man who is confident and can take initiative. In fact, in many cases, that's all it takes to get a woman to speak to you, and probably, to date you.
However, if you're still unsure or just interested, here's what I've learned. Make it all about her. What that means is, when you're speaking to her, look her in the eyes, let her talk, ask her short questions that require long answers and do not look away. Don't be creepy, but do not, ever, be distracted. It works.
And it's worked for famous men. A colleague at People magazine once told me about actor Jeff Goldblum's tremendous appeal. For a regular movie-goer, he's tall and funny, but he wouldn't be the first person you might think of as, well, sexy. Apparently, he is. "When he's talking to you," she explained, "It is all about you. He's looking right at you, not away, not at the people behind you, not at who might be walking in or up to you." I have also heard this about President Clinton. Another colleague, who was on the White House Press Corps noted the same thing, with scarily similar verbiage. Writer/editor Teena Hammond, who once interviewed the iconic and gorgeous John Kennedy, Jr. for the launch of George, also reiterated the value of the meaningful – and genuine – gaze.
Then, on last week's "The Tonight With Jimmy Fallon," guest Amy Schumer said pretty much the exact same thing about Bradley Cooper. While Schumer acknowledged (the obvious) Cooper's so handsome it's hard to look away (or something along those lines), she did say that's how it is to talk to him.
Thanks, Amy, nice to know!
Aside from the "making it all about her" theory (of which, mind you, I lay no claim), there are other factors that will make you more appealing, and even attractive. The factors/rules are very simple:
It also really helps if you're employed or at least, a student, and, if you remember your wallet when you're out with her. I'm not saying you should or must pay for her every time you are out (because if she's well mannered, she'll offer to pay occasionally, or go "Dutch"). What I'm saying is, unless you know her very well, the "I forgot my wallet" (even if true), does. Not. Go. Over. Well.
Oh, and if you're driving, make sure you have gas in your car. This means, on your first few dates, do not show up and then take her to the gas station. And for heaven's sake, never do this: pick her up, tell her you need to get gas, and then drive around looking for the cheapest gas station. I say this because this happened to me, a million years ago, and went on long enough for me to fall asleep. When I woke up, he'd driven me back to my apartment, annoyed. He was annoyed with me. Right. Unsurprisingly, it was the last time I saw him (on purpose). This was decades ago, but it also means that if you are budget-conscious, you should download the app that shows the location of the least expensive, nearby gas station, and fill-up beforehand.
Be prepared. Preparation shows a woman you were thoughtful in your approach to spending time with her. It's respectful, and who doesn't love that?
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